16/1/2013

today, been scolded by my Moral lecturer.

because I was daydreaming during his class.

I smiled.

and nobody knows why. 

They laughed at me.

I smiled at them.

but I know my life doesn't goes on.

though I always been mentioning "Life Goes On Without You".

***********

trust

Do not expect people to Trust you if you yourself can't prove that you're trustworthy enough.
Because trust needs to be earned.

Lesson learned.

I've lost my trust in you.
You made me lost my direction
and I don't know how to trust people now.

Maybe I'm way too negative thinking recently.
Is just the situation I face everyday drive me crazy.
every once I was alone in the room, I feel lonely.
Loneliness is scary.

I was thinking to go gym everyday.
I wanted to sweat so that I could release my tension all this while.
emmm...
Going on for a vacation is good for me too now
though just few days.
But with the bunch of friends, I'll be happier than caging myself in this little room.
Let's start it this weekend (:
since Sunday it's a holiday.
Gonna rock my weekend with Them <3
***************

Smile

A smile can hide so many of my feelings,
no matter is fear, sadness or even heartbreak...

yet, it shows one other thing,
strength (:

Life goes on without you.

we're good.
I am good.
Hope you're good anyhow..
though far away from us.

I dislike hatred.
it's a tiring job.
I want to be a happy kid.
Nothing else matters.
really.
***********
I laugh to hide the pain.
***********
thanks for your caring, people,  it's warm (:
***********

犯贱

人永远都是那么犯贱.
当自己决定了要用真心对待别人,
最后得到的是什么?
**************

Parasite.

money is the killer.

been promised to myself not to post anything selfish and unhappy in my blog
so I abandoned it for months.

but tonight, I experienced the so-called "heart has broken into pieces"

because of
‘你花的都是别人的钱’.

by the one I respect so much,
love so much,
cause I know she has contribute her everything to this family.
her youth.
trying to be her happy and obedient child everyday,
no matter how hard I tried,
I lose.
I lose.

no one understands what's the feeling I experience now.
-- feeling like a Parasite.
with no earning and dependent on siblings and parents.

relative been posted old photo when we were small.
we were happy family with no worries, no burden.
I miss that.I do.

we grew up.now.
and that
这间家越来越少人.
I hate.
I hate.

tonight, I am tired.
mentally and emotionally.
*************
I know,
crying can't solve my problem.
I am human.
I need to release my emotion.
I just need a shoulder to cry on.
**********
I promise.

I will be good as the usual me...
*******

13/9/12

the campus has organized Raya celebration and the closing ceremony for National Day celebration.
things went on as usual, as it used to be.
with choir, stage play, recitation of poetry, singing, play of video, etc.
the day ended with Raya celebration,,
and everyone got to eat together.
ate under the rain.
which was the part that I dislike.
it was not grand anymore.

every year, during this event,
i can easily recognize who is the bf for her and who is the gf for him.
those couple will wear the same colour clothes.
they will dress up really nicely.
boys with neat baju Melayu, girls with make-up on + bling bling dresses.

taking photo session was going on this whole day.
everywhere in the hall.
************
when a boy has two FB account, means what?
he started to get active in another account that he did not add you as his friend nowadays,
when you lost contact with him for months.
means what?
he has secret?he lied?he was hiding from you?he......
the only thing that you know at this moment is that.
he is not single anymore.

he will not be the only choice for you,
he is an impossible.
give up on him and you'll get more choices out there.
If and only if it's so easy to give up...
*************
我希望我一觉可以睡到小时候.
no worries, no hard feelings, no suffer, no tricks,
easy and simple life.
with pure and innocent thinking.
************
night world :)

The Me

has been long time Me never drop by here.
My blog is dead.
Not a clue, anyway.
******
feel like writing something at this hour, in this cold weather.
who cares what thing, just something or anything not interesting.
my life back to here is bored.
meet her everyday make us suffer.
our conversation in a day will surely be her.
what to do.
hate a person is tired.
**********
busy life get on now.
assignments, presentations, BIG, Sport Carnival, and finally comes to exam.
what kind of life is this?
***********
Me sick of pretending to be happy here.
really sick of it.
***********
teach me how to get rid of this feeling.
I miss him at this hour too.
************

'wordy post' :)

I saw a couple in cafe just now.
that time I was taking my lunch with a bunch of friends.
there were a lot of people.all tables were being occupied.
only a table is sat by THEM.
Two of them. :)

the girl put a tupperware covered with a pink lovely plastic bag outside on the table.
then the girl left to buy food.
the boy came from the other entrance and sat down.the same table.

they're together.
and everyone knew that they're together yet they never confess to the outsiders.
*actions sometimes can prove everything*

The boy touched the tupperware and smiled.
and the girl came back.
They sat side by side.
the boy opened up the plastic bag then the tupperware S.L.O.W.L.Y and with CARE.
*seriously, S.L.O.W. -.-*
at the same time, he looked at the girl who sat beside him and he Smiled.
they looked at each other for times and they Smiled.

I supposed it contained the food that the girl cooked for the boy.
after some investigation being carried out by my friend,
It was.
It was salted fish and beans that the girl cooked for him.
*****

and I told her, "I feel like I'm alone in this cafe, watching them as if watching a drama ._."
wish to have such a guy.
A guy who will be grateful and appreciate what he has,
simple & easy meal can filled his heart with love and touch.
A guy who will smile all the time at her
especially he is touched. :)


but she replied me, "Sampat po!have us around u will be enough."
as if slapping me & to wake me up from falling too deep into an impossible relationship.
**************

'when a guy you care for pretend did not see get you,
what you need to do is react in the same way as he did.
-Pretending not to see get him- will do.'
As in pretending did not care about him.

-Taken from FB-

I will let him regret.
and I'm cruel.
**************

About 15/07/12

That Noon, we were having class photoshoot.
One semester once shot had come.

Look Pro, aren't they? ._.

*but their progress in publishing the journal was a bit uh, S.L.O.W.*


SO, to be advanced.
IS better for us to take our own shot.
and this came...

PISMP BI 1 - Degree 1st year

fyi, the one in the middle of those guys is our Mommy Mentor, Mdm. Suhartina.
little, mini size, cute Mdm in Language Department.
hehe
**oh yeah, thanks to ex-roomie in helping us took this shot.
love huh.*
She was actually rushing for her class.
yet, In a rush too,
we.

took one and only one shot on that day.

hen sad jiang ><
***************
That night, I was having IPDA family gathering.
we ate steamboat.

Jiak!

*I realized that I am scare of spicy food nowadays,
am I old ady?oh shit.**


everyone is totally enjoying the Tom Yam soup.
I was like...had myself more and more cups of Ice herbal tea to clear my throat.
emmm..and only enjoyed the plain soup by myself. -.-
I'm not like this one~

anyway, anyhow, forget about it.
and have a look on my family tree.
everyone has their own adopted God sis/bro.
whateva.
the family tree is quite complicated also.

in short, the one adopted me is  HER.

Ying Tong

then, I adopted hER.

Jovayne

while she adopted heR.

Mei Yeh

 *I know, the last photo should me my sis v heR.
Imma bit ss.*

welcome, MY sis, to the big family.

In a nutshell, haha
this is it.
the BIG family.
adopted adopted adopted.
n other family tree.

END of my day :)
***********

short update

home is not only a shelter for me.
is the place that I can actually rest mentally as well.
with family in home is always the best & perfect ever.
I love them :)

reached Melaka yesterday midnight.
oukay, this is my first time.
i mean came back only on weekend.
tomorrow night imma going back to the jungle.
& Sunday the classes are all ON.
tiring to the MAX!man!
as what she said, "As long As we can back Melaka, everything will only be nothing."

WE still have lonngg way to go.

**********
congrates to all Form 6 friends.
going to study in Uni months later.
I still hoping friends can get Kedah, UUM whatever.
study together in the same state & jungle along with me.hehe
*get the course that we all interested in is the most important k :/
*******
"YOu're the guy,
text HER first."
:)
*******

Anniversary day.

28/06/2012.
Happy second anniversary, for batch 2010.
& also TESLian Cohort 4 :)

is finally.
today is our second year been in IPDA.
for this moment, i feel like time really flies.
guess I've grown up & matured a little bit compared to last two years when I was still in form 5?
I hope so.
but then, I prefer my secondary school life compare to my life now.
My life now is dull.
leix.
I think friends around me thought the same way too.
what to do.
LIFE has no U-turn.
Zz

went to Restaurant Sun Garden as our celebration along with two juniors.
*No pic of us is being taken, forgotten*
we were too desperate for the food to be served.
chiang chiang!

simple meal is always the best.

food that's cheap is more tasty sometimes.
**********
I saw my ex-roommate today.
she was walking alone behind her friends.
& her gang were chit-chatting at the other side outside the lab.
I felt like asking her why.
but I did not have the chance to.

we chatted for only 5 mins.
as we were both having lecture.
our conversation was only the place for me to stay.


I must have ask her.
but I hope she do feel that someone is supporting her right behind her
the moment I put my hand on her shoulder :)

Some friends are scary, back stab on you is normal case.



Ex-roomie, be strong AS u always did, oukay?
:')
***********

-

do you ever feel like you actually wanna say something that is against the powerful one, something that is from your heart, something that means your real thought on a subject, YET you can't do so.
others may see you as a coward or else the one being bullied.
but they don't know that they actually know nothing about you!
they don't even know what's really happened!
and simply judge on you from their own perceptions.
what they see will always be only the SURFACE of a thing.

To the outsiders,
"Unless your name is Google, if not you don't act like you know F*** everything!"- FB

but the main thing is that
you can't voice out at all.
you can't tell the truth to the outsiders who have wrong perceptions on you.
you wanna explain to them that all is not what they thought of.
they're wrong.
the heart to declare yourself make you suffer.
still, you can't.
at last, you choose to keep quiet on everything happen.
& follow what the powerful's order to do things.
the powerful always want others to follow whatever they say.
& they mean what they say.
Zzz

luckily, you're still you.
not gonna change for others.

what's life?
damn.

JUNE holiday

huh....
i have already stuck for more or less 1 hour on how to start this long-time-ago-should-have-updated-post.
i'm blank.
o.o

oukay,
eermmm..start with the story with loves.
holiday is the only time that I could meet up with them.

that's why am in love with holiday.

this semester break i only be able to meet with 2 of my loves.

IMY2!!!

our DATE was filled with tonnes of stories that happened around us in the last half year.

*gosh, i can't believe that we actually never see get each other for half year!*

i just can say that, damn.

after listened to their stories, some were really shocking news, k.

felt like "this is what we call LIFE..."

this world is terror.

even people themselves, as if it is not themselves..o.O

**when will be our JiMui full reunion?

I WONDER but hoping for.

**************

har...met the crazyfunny gang too.

we were actually queueing to buy movie tickets,

when it was almost our turn,

the girls only decided not to watch.& so we actually walk out from the queue and passed by the counter just like nobody business, though feel like everyone was staring at us.

huh..we can mia~~

just then, we went to eat & eat & eat..

sushi, black ball, satay celup in hours time..

fat die ><

*************

uh next, Singapore trip with sis & her friends.

one word, HOT. two words, hot die.

one word, tired. two words, damn tired.

but i was really enjoying in this trip. 

happy buy tired a.

credit to the tour guide ya!tq!

***********

i prefer to tweet my feeling & thought nowadays ((:

************

feel goood

when i'm in this jail,
i mean my campus,
there is nothing can make me feel so good..
unless..
it is the time for me to go back Home!
not too late nor too early, just TONIGHT!
:)

someone asked me why girls tend to miss their home when they came from far away to study.
is girl's natural instinct maybe?
haha.
but some girls are really tough enough and they do not miss their home,
there are some is vice-versa.

it depends on what kind of place that you are in,
as if the "jungle"
argh..
for sure matter, you gonna miss home before you come back to continue your studies in the thick "jungle".
i consider my case like this though.
and argh,
is really FARrrr from my hometown...man.

argh...i miss the little one in my home sooooo much.
here comes him..

IMY too. -.-

i know you are missing your mommy & daddy larx.
my mom said he had grown up much.
& i think like that so.
already 2 months never go back,
oukay, i feel like 200 years.
have no chance to see his growth day by day.
i could only update myself through pictures that my sis posted.

i am desperate to see his changes.
he is growing teeth now! :))

***********
actually is it so hard to ask what really happen between us?
is it so hard to know the reasons behind this wound on our friendship?
i'm kinda sad to what had happened to us.
but your attitude tells me that you have given up our friendship.
you have not even give yourself a try to rebuild our friendship.
what can I do?
*************

meaningless

i am bored of my life at here!
is already 2 months i'm here,,,
yukksss!!
sick!

busy with examsss recently...
2 more papers to go.
everyday, i pray hard that it ends faster.
i can't wait i can't stand
i want to go back Melaka.

a lot of things happened recently...
i feel like nobody i can talk to.
how should i start to say all this useless stuffs that happened to me recently?

i have cracked my brain to think of the solutions..
GOD.
please give me a hint/solution to solve it.
just
please.


but,
with THEIR accompaniment.
i hardly still can manage it.

*friendship is very FRagIlE!
full of betrayed, hatred & TRICKSss!
though good friend at this moment, the next moment we are StRaNgErS!
is so scary when friends turn into stranger.
isn't it?*

can't we just live in harmony?
************

stalker

she becomes a stalker recently.
since you enter this campus.

finally she stalk get you.
but you're sooo stingy in sharing your info.
Zzz

frens asked her & kept on advising her to give up,
is not destined for her.

yet, her eyes keep on looking and searching for you during schooling day.
wth is she doing.
she thought of seeing you in a day then that day would be her perfect day
wth wth...

-____-

in fact, they are not possible at all.

she knows that it is the time to give up on you since she first met you.
she is sick of this useless stuffs.

sometimes, she loves, she enjoys FREEDOM.
her promise: back to realistic and keep moving in her life :)

********

happy 20th :)

the day has come...
even though i wish it not to.
it still has come to me TODAY.
but i wanna welcome it with my big hand! :)

anyway, this is my very 1st no. "2" in my lifetime.
i have reached my 20th unconsciously.
I am happy with it.

happy 20th birthday to me :)

no matter is wish by text, by FB's wall post/inbox messages/by calls.

anyway, i have received all the wishes from you all.
& yeah, thx for those presents!


**ESPECIALLY received call & texts from the love!yee..
you're so damn sweet, OYJ! & loves!**

-

I'm GLAD u did it.
& LUCKILY u did it.
thanks.*sincerely***

i know u did it not because of scare.
i know you have matured and knew that someone have to tolerate in the first place.
right?

no matter how, we still have a long way to go..
is more or less 4 years, we STILL have 4 YEARS to go.
anyhow, we STILL have to face each other in those years..

this kind of feeling is better for us Just to keep in our heart.
who knows if we keep it deep in our heart.
it'll just be fine.

tolerance helps us to go through all these unhappy stuffs.
we are now adults,
childish actions/thinking should be erased from now on, in our life :))

anyway, thanks, anonymous  :)))
************

人生

看完"On call 36小时" 感想莫过于觉得说
呼吸真的很无常
人生也一样
无常
主题曲的歌词也一样感伤

独自一个人看
泪猛飚
然后自己再
猛擦泪
飚完以后会觉得自己很好笑.

其实
人生就是这样.

当残忍的疾病发生在自己身上的时候
做什么都禰补不了
欣然接受不知道需要多少的勇气
天啊...
人又那么脆弱.
有谁敢担保下一秒自己会发生什么事.

所以要珍惜呼吸的每一秒
然后活在当下.!

突然想念他们
公公婆婆外公外婆


*很伤心酱
只是感触良多la*
*************

/I'm Back!!!/

i couldn't describe my feeling of stepped into my room yesterday,
joyfulness surrounded me to the MAX!
& yeah!! hooray to it!!
i'm done with my BIG camping
proud of that :)))
as we were the 1st group out of other courses, teehee
we are now the one who went through all those hardship before them all :pp

wholelot of us - Serial 2, Group 1 of programme BIG :))

my worries before going to this camp seemed to disappear after i have done those activities.
i'm so happy that i was able to do it.
especially for rafting, activity that i scared the most.
with the group members' moral support as well as their physical support for me,
i was able to do back-jump-in-water-action.
thanks guys!
somehow, i pray that i will not phobia with water anymore.

the only thing that i gained the most was...
BRUISES!
i felt like bruises were anywhere on my body.
caused of jungle trekking :((
i thought i must be tough enough and steady enough to climb up the steep-like-hell hill.
i was able to climb, everyone was able to climb also.
the only matter for me was the process of climbing & felling in it.
-- the reason for bruises on my leg & hand.
I'M SICK OF IT NOW!


**sorry if i was too quiet in the group,
sometimes, i just felt i didn't belong to the group.
sometimes, i just felt hard to speak out & chose to be quiet.
i'm truly sorry, guys!**

***********
i thought u will do something..
who cares just anything..
***********